Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to
tell you that I'm
leaving you forever. I've been a
good man to you
for seven years and I have nothing
to show for it.

These past two weeks have been
hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you quit
your job today and
that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and
didn't even notice
that I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite
meal and even wore a brand new
pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep
after watching all your soaps. You
don't tell me
you love me anymore; you don't
want sex o anything
that connects u! s as husband and
wife.

Either you're cheating on me or
you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm
gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your
SISTER and I are
moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great
life!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * **

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your
letter. It's true that you and I
have been married
for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry
from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because
they drown out
your constant whining and griping.
Too bad that
doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair
cut last week, but
the first ! thing that came to my
mind was 'You look
just like a girl !' Since my
mother raised me not to
say anything if you can't say
something nice, I
didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago!

About those new silk boxers: I
turned away from
you because the $49.99 price tag
was still on them,
and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that MY
SISTER had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that
morning.

After all of this, I still loved
you and felt that
we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for
ten million dollars, I quit my job
and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica. But when I got
home you were
gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling
life ! you always
wanted. My lawyer said that the
letter you wrote
ensures you won't get a dime from
me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and
Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told
you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope
that's not a
problem.