yaya jokes

Laughter is the best medicine.

1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"

2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey're yachts."
Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."

3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor's office.
Doc: "Bottlefed?"
Woman: " Brea - stfed po."
(Doctors squeezes woman's breasts repeatedly)
Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"

4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
"Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"

5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: "Ma'am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"

6. Yaya: "Huhuhu..."
Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?"
Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako..."
Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"

7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
(Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"

8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
She answered: "Secret!"

9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
"Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"

10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"

11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
Mom: "It's up to you."
(During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, 'kitsup tuyo'!"

12. Our neighbor's yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"

13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can..."

14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin...kapkeyk. .."

15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"

16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"

17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, 'concentrate' ..."

18. Neighbor's yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs:
"Down to earth! Down to earth!"

19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
"Ma'am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"

20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya's son.
So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from the
sun.

Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
"Parang Watson's yata..."

21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"

22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"

23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: "Yaya..."
Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
Yaya: "Si Koya naman...nagsa- suggest lang..."

24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"

25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
"Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"

26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"

27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
"Ma'am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit...promise!"

28. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."

29. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"

30. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

starbucks venti..

You clicked 106 times in 30 seconds.

kalokohan

si Franching ko kasama si malokong Macoy, maingay na si ate Lucy, mabagal na si ate Marie at si doggy Berry

nasira ni Macoy, tinulak nga nya si ate Franching... buti nga di nasugat, malokong Macoy

malokong Macoy pinahiraman ni ate Franching ng bathing suit

malokong Macoy na naka-ribbon

break free

sick and tired?

visit these sites:
blogniinday.com
kwentongbarbero.com
greenpinoy.com
chiksilog.com

and many more... just check kwentongbarbero's recommended sites

would you dare say these?

just want to share this.. it's from a forwarded email... =p


75 THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO YOUR BOSS:

1. Ano!? Yan lang di niyo pa kayang gawin at iuutos niyo pa sa akin?
2. Hellooo! Gawin niyo na iyan no para naman huwag niyong makalimutan kung paano mag-isip.
3. Sir, makinig kaya kayo sa akin!? Pwede?
4. Puwede ba, busy ako? Mamaya na po yan.
5. Gumawa kayo ng sarili niyong presentation!
6. If challenges are more important than financial rewards, then why don't you just trade in your salary for my challenges?
7. Pwede pong paki-decide kung alin sa 10 inutos niyo sakin ngayon ang talagang urgent?
8. Absent po ako today. Wala lang, ayaw ko po kayong makita eh...
9. Pwede bang mag-all expense paid na vacation? Sige na naman, pagod na pagod na po ako eh.
10. Sir, bili niy o naman akong yosi. Sige na! Sa inyo na lang po yung sukli.
11. Uwi na po ako ha. Bahala na kayo dito sa opis..
12. Sir, pwede po bang taasan ang sweldo ko? Ang hirap kasi ng trabaho ko eh, ang pakisamahan kayo!
13. Mag-reduce naman po kayo! Mukha na kayong balyena eh.
14. Bakit po pag kami walang ginagawa pinapagalitan niyo kami? Pero bakit pag kayo ok lang?
15. Akala niyo ba magaling kayo? Wala lang silang mapiling iba kaya kayo nilagay diyan sa pwestong yan!
16. Ma'am, ang bait niyo po talaga. Sana kunin na kayo ni Lord.
17. And it is with utmost sincerity that I wish you the best of luck spending the rest of your afterlife rotting in hell at Satan's side where you belong.
18. Kung totoong nag-client call kayo patingin ng service report niyo!
19. Sagutin niyo naman yung telepono. A little exercise won't hurt.
20. Sige, gagawin ko po ito. Pero pagtimpla niyo ko ng kape.
21. Shut up when I'm talking to you!
22. Kayo itong may pa-kotse tapos ako uutusan niyo pumunta sa meeting? Ano kayo, hilo!??
23. Ano?!! Di niyo alam mag-print? Sayang ang laptop niyo ma'am.
24. Sir aminin niyo na po, nagpapa-cute lang kayo sa client. Kunyari pa kayo na binebentahan niyo siya.
25. Ang ganda ng resulta ng pagkaka-plastic surgery niyo, banat na banat! Lalo tuloy kayo pinagtatawanan eh.
26. If you really think it's that important, di kayo gumawa.
27. Sir, palit tayong sweldo!
28. Ang sarap po siguro ng trabaho niyo no? Biro niyo utos lang kayo ng utos samin. Ang laki pa ng sweldo!
29. Gusto niyo mag-trabaho naman for a change?
30. Do my work over the weekend?!?! At baket!? Sino kayo para utusan ako?
31. Ngayon na due ito? Eh di kayo gumawa!
32. Can't you see I'm goddamn busy?
33. If you need me, bukas na lang. May date po ako ngayon eh.
34. Asus!! Mage-edit lang hindi pa kaya! Kayo na lang ang mag-edit para hindi sayang sa oras.
35. Sir, tinatamad po akong pumasok ngayon e. Sa bahay na lang po ako mag-iinternet at mage-games, ala pang gastos.
36. Huli kayo! Nanonood din pala kayo ng VCD ha!
37. Sir, lahat po ng kelangan niyo nandyan na. Kelangan niyo lang po tingnan mabuti!
38. Tsk tsk tsk, yan na nga ba sinasabi ko e. Ayaw niyo kasi makinig sakin.
39. Pwede bang sakin na lang position niyo?
40. Nagtataka talaga ako kung bakit napunta kayo sa puwestong yan.
41. Hay naku, sa dinami-dami naman ng pwedeng maging boss, bakit kayo pa ang napunta sakin!
42. Basahin niyo muna ang lahat ng email messa ges niyo bago niyo sabihin na hindi ko pa nagagawa yung pinagawa niyo.
43. Magre-resign na po ako. Hindi ko na po talaga kayo kayang tiisin eh.
44. Hindi po Inday ang pangalan ko, kaya wag po ninyo akong utusan.
45. Hindi po bottomless pit ang MS Outlook Inbox mo. Talagang titirik ang PC niyo kung hindi kayo magde-delete ng email!
46. Kabit nyo po ba yung prinomote mo?
47. Aah, sir, crush niyo ba ko? Yung seryoso? Lagi niyo na lang po kasi akong inuutusan eh.
48. Why do you keep on doing this to me? Do you feel threatened by my genius?
49. Boss, VCD o, bold! (Greenhills Virramall style)
50. Daddy, Monday ngayon. Yung baon ko!?
51. Bukas ko na lang po gagawin yung pinagagawa niyo ha? Maglalaro pa ko ng Counter Strike eh.
52. Pwede ba tigilan niyo ko?
53. Kasama ba sa job description ko to?
54. If I do what you tell m e to, will this change the world?
55. I'm not sure if it's your good looks, your family connection or your charming disposition kaya ka andyan sa puwesto mo. But I'm definitely sure it has nothing to do with your intellect.
56. Okay lang umabsent kayo. It does not really matter. Mas maaga pa kaming makakapag-lunch.
57. Ang OA niyo naman. Kino-complicate niyo pa ang mga simpleng problema para lang magmukha kayong may alam.
58. You're just insecure. Palibhasa, deep down you know you don't deserve to be the boss of someone whose brilliance you can only dream of!
59. Sir naman, hindi naman po lahat ng tao kasing bobo niyo.
60. Karapatan ko nang umuwi pagpatak ng , 8 hours lang ang binabayaran sa akin eh! Karapatan ko ring mag-absent! At karapatan kong ring masulit ang 1 hour lunch break ko!
61. Ma'am huwag na po kayong mag-e nglish. Lalo lang pong nagiging obvious ang pagiging tanga niyo.
62. Sir ano ba!? Lagi na lang ba kayong magre-request ng blow job sakin!!?? (In a really loud voice)
63. Sa tono ng pananalita niyo parang naiintindihan ninyo ang pinag-uusapan namin ah.
64. Sana po pwede ko rin kayong i-evaluate no? Sigurado lagi kayong bagsak sakin.
65. Kung ano man po ang kasalanan ko ay kasalanan niyo rin. Boss ko kayo eh.
66. Maglinis naman po kayo ng table niyo.
67. Hoy! Ikaw, halika nga rito at tulungan mo ko!
68. Saang planeta po ba kayo nanggaling at hindi ninyo alam ito?
69. Ano naman ang mapapala ko kung gagawin ko to?
70. Inaantok ako. Tulog po muna ko ha?
71. Bakit ganyan po kayo magsalita? Napo-possess ba kayo ng masamang ispirito?
72. Sir, umabsent naman po kayo paminsan-minsan. Masaya po kasi ang buong office pag wala kayo eh.
73. Huwag nga kayong makialam samin!
74. Kelan kaya kayo mapapalitan bilang boss namin?
75. Aha!!! Sir bakit kayo naglalaro ng games!? Bawal yan ah!

Ken Lee

saw this on Maan's blog, nakakatawa talaga sya, grabe. also, i asked her permission na ipo-post ko rin ito sa blog ko... thanks for sharing..



here's the 'better English' version:

comic stories 2

pampaalis ng umay sa hirap ng buhay...

Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!"

gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
bf : ano? isa lang ah?!
gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!

Couple talking:
wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?
wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako?
umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa
bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami
sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex
or bake ako ng cake.
husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?
wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!

ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay
inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"

Sa harap ng nursery window;
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife
and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can
turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable,
irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko.
Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na
to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising
bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.

Population policies of countries:
China: Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M. !

comic stories

from a forwarded email..

REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na
po ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "


Man1: Away kami ni misis, nag-Historical siya
Man2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
Man1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"


"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"


Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager
natin na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung
papayag ang punerarya.


bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!


Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma'am
yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!


Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
Bush: "Lets help one another..."
Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan. .."
Bush: "...let's strive together..."
Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."
Bush: "...because in union there is strength."
Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"


Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.


Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... ... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . ..(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ..(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. .. (erase)
Arnold Clavio


Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo (pare 1 sinundot
ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo (pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi ka pa
masuka nyan ewan ko na!


Holduper: Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!


Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala ka pa
bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang! (hihihihi! )


Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: 'Yes' or 'No' lang po


TEACHER: Anong similarity nina Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Ninoy
Aquino at Apolinario Mabini?
STUDENT: Ma'am, pagkaka-alam ko po, silang lahat ay pinanganak ng
holiday! ?


TITSER: Juan, use recharge & caffeine in a sentence.
JUAN: Si "Recharge" Gutierrez ay si "Caffeine" Barbell. ?


ERAP: Soli ko tong nabili kong DVD.
FPJ: Anong problema?
ERAP: Walang picture, tsaka sound. Sayang. Suspense thriller pa yata to.
Tsk, tsk...
FPJ: Anong title?
ERAP: "The Lens Cleaner"


BUNSO: Tay , may multo daw sa kusina natin?
TATAY: Anak, sino naman nagsabi sayo nyan?
BUNSO: Si ate po!
TATAY: Ay nako, wag ka nga magpapaniwala dun! Wala namang multo eh! Ang
mabuti pa samahan mo na lang ako sa kusina, at iinom lang ako ng
tubig...


BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
KINABUKASAN??
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas.....
TINDERO: Wala kame ubas
KINABUKASAN ULIT??
BATA: Mama, pabili nga po ng ubas....
TINDERO: Sinabi na ngang wala e! Pag nagtanong ka pa, iistepler ko na
yang bibig mo!
AT KINABUKASAN NA NAMAN ULIT??
BATA: Mama, may stapler kayo?
TINDERO: Wala..
BATA: Pabili nga po ng ubas


PROMDI: Lam ko promdi lang ako kaya wag mo kong lolokohin! Bakit ganito
ang kwarto ko?!?! Maliit, wala pang kama at bintana..... ha?!?!
ROOMBOY: Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo...


MRS: Bakit ngayon ka lang?
MR: Pasensha na, nagyaya mga officemates ko, nagkainuman lang. Hehe!
Hik,
MRS: Lasing ka no?
MR: Ako, lashing? Hindi! Hik
MRS: Anong hindi?! La ka namang trabaho, pano ka nagka-officemates?


Jun-Jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Jun-Jun: "Sino ang walang assignment?"


Titser: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, maam!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero maam, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng
mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?


Thelma: Sabi mo, dok, safe ang calendar method. Eh, bakit ako nabuntis?
Dok: Paano nyo ba ginamit ang kalendaryo?
Thelma: Ginawa naming banig.


Boss asks sexy secretary to a dinner after overtime: Are you free
tonight?
The sexy secretary replies: Sir, ha.... huwag naman, FREE... Bibigyan na
lang kita ng discount!


Girl: Maganda ba ko?
Boy: Oo, kaya lang, Bumbayin ka...
Girl: Hindi naman ako mukhang Bumbay, ah?! Tisay yata to!
Boy: Oo nga, pero 'yung amoy mo, Bumbayin!


Gumimik sa mall ang tatlong binatilyo...
Jepoy: SYET! Ang cute nung girl!
Kevin: Sexy pa! Grabe!
Nathan: Sino? Yung naka-mini skirt, na red? Yun, yun ba? Ha? Kilala ko
siya! Teka tatawagin ko ha, kuyaaahhh Ambet!


Eliseo: Sobra na talaga ang katangahan ng kumare mo. Ang akala niya, ang
LAWSUIT ay uniporme ng pulis!
JoshuA: Sus! Tanga nga! Eh di ba, uniporme ng abugado yun?!


Namatay ang isang mister na babaero. Sa requiem mass, sinabi ng pari
patungkol sa namatay, "An honest man, a good man, a family man" et
cetera.
Binulungan ng biyuda ang panganay na anak, Pakisilip nga ang kabaong
kung ang daddy mo nga ang nasa loob!"


Sa isang ospital...
Lola (may cancer) : Doc, anong gagawin nyo sa akin?
Doc : Che-chemo, lola.
Lola : Titi mo rin! Bastos ka! Walang modo!

pitot

last jan. 3, saw macoy, my nephew, sleeping in this way.. nakatulog pala sya while watching ate france play.. pitot mukha nya sa net ng playpen nya.. after kong kunan ng pic, syempre inayos ko na position nya.. =D

burpday session

last dec. 1, we had a session here at our house... pa-burpday ng barkada namin... syempre, food trip at inuman session yun... and here are the "michaels" (tawag namin sa mga lasheng o inaantok)

si burpday boy, kuya Sonny

si Rej kasi tanggera kaya tinamaan si Sonny,
Jo on the background

Patit, na mahilig mangulit

last dec. 15, we had another session coz it's roel's burpday. sorry don't have pics of the said session.. 2 lang silang nakatulog, si burpday boy at yung fafa ni patit, si coco. kokonti lang ang attendees mostly, dumaan lang kasi may mga pupuntahan the following day eh.

human beatbox

i miss this gal!

Gladys Guevarra
Known as the ever comical and lovable "Chuchay," Gladys puts on various personalities like an ordinary person would put on clothes -- effortlessly.

basic info
Name: Gladys Guevarra
Nickname: Chuchay
Birthday: February 22, 1977
Birth Place: Olongapo City
Showbiz Anniversary:

favorites

Hobbies: Cooking
Pet/s: Flowerhorn fish
Actors/Actresses
Local: Eddie Garcia, Celia Rodriguez
Foreign: Reese Witherspoon, Kurt Russel
TV Show: Desperate Housewives, One Tree Hill, The OC
Singers: Baby Face, Britney Spears
Expression: "Eeeh!!!... Di nako sasama!"

personal

Adjectives that best describe you: Marvelous, surprising
Fashion icon: Eva Longoria
Fears: rats
Goals: To have a baby!
Role Model: Vic Sotto, Joey de Leon

q & a

Why did you enter showbusiness?
Aksidente lang :)

What do you consider as the turning point in your career?
When I joined the family of the longest running noontime show on earth... EAT BULAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you weren’t in showbiz, what kind of career would you have?
A famous chef maybe

What is your biggest frustration/regret?
-NOTHING-

What do most people not know about you?
Na napakatagal kong maligo, twice ako mag- conditioner, magsasabon muna 'ko, then scrub, then literally isang boteng lotion ang inuubos ko sa katawan ko

What is your most unforgettable moment/ experience?
When I got myself a Ford Expedition

What are you most proud of?
Ang mapabilang sa Eat Bulaga and "My Magic Kamison"

What do you value most?
My Lugawan Republic!... YEHEY!!!

What do you want to achieve?
To buy a house as big as Allan K's house

What is your advice to aspiring artists?
Never stop dreaming. Wag mawalan ng pag- asa, kung nagawa ng mga iniidolo at tinitingala ninyo, kaya n'yo rin magawa. "GO!"

pang tanggal umay

"intellectual" FUN FACTS

Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!

Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.

The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.

To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.

Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.

Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.

Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

Those stars and colors you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.

Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.

At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.

There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.

Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot.

Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal.

The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to
tell you that I'm
leaving you forever. I've been a
good man to you
for seven years and I have nothing
to show for it.

These past two weeks have been
hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you quit
your job today and
that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and
didn't even notice
that I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite
meal and even wore a brand new
pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep
after watching all your soaps. You
don't tell me
you love me anymore; you don't
want sex o anything
that connects u! s as husband and
wife.

Either you're cheating on me or
you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm
gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your
SISTER and I are
moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great
life!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * **

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your
letter. It's true that you and I
have been married
for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry
from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because
they drown out
your constant whining and griping.
Too bad that
doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair
cut last week, but
the first ! thing that came to my
mind was 'You look
just like a girl !' Since my
mother raised me not to
say anything if you can't say
something nice, I
didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago!

About those new silk boxers: I
turned away from
you because the $49.99 price tag
was still on them,
and I prayed that it was a
coincidence that MY
SISTER had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that
morning.

After all of this, I still loved
you and felt that
we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for
ten million dollars, I quit my job
and bought us two
tickets to Jamaica. But when I got
home you were
gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling
life ! you always
wanted. My lawyer said that the
letter you wrote
ensures you won't get a dime from
me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and
Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told
you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope
that's not a
problem.

Tongue Twisters

Twister Shorties: (say them a few times). Some are common, some are raunchy, some are poems..

Greek grapes.

Red lorry, yellow lorry.
Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?
Unique New York.
Many an anemone sees an enemy anemone.
Freshly-fried flying fish.
The epitome of femininity.
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the
stump stunk, but the stump thunk the
skunk stunk.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably
mimicing him hiccupping, and amicably
welcoming him home.
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager
imagining managing an imaginary
menagerie.

Common Twisters:

She sells seashells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely
seashells. So if she sells shells on
the seashore, I'm sure she sells
seashore shells.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled
peppers. Did Peter Piper pick a peck
of pickled peppers? If Peter Piper
Picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers
Peter Piper picked?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
If a woodchuck could chuck wood? He
would chuck, he would, as much as he
could, And chuck as much as a
woodchuck would If a woodchuck could
chuck wood.

Tongue Twister Poems:

Mr. See owned a saw. And Mr. Soar
owned a seesaw. Now, See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore. Had Soar seen
See's saw Before See sawed Soar's
seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed
Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed
Soar's seesaw. But it was sad to see
Soar so sore just because See's saw
sawed Soar's seesaw.
Betty Botter had some butter, "But,"
she said, "this butter's bitter. If I
bake this bitter butter, It would make
my batter bitter. But a bit of better
butter, That would make my batter
better." So she bought a bit of
butter - Better than her bitter
butter - And she baked it in her
batter; And the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter Bought a
bit of better butter.
Ned Nott was shot and Sam Shott was
not. So it is better to be Shott than
Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But
Shott says he shot Nott. Either the
shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot,
Or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott
shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if
the shot Shott shot shot Shott, Then
Shott was shot, not Nott. However, the
shot Shott shot shot not Shott, but
Nott.
A tree-toad loved a she-toad Who lived
up in a tree. He was a two-toed tree-
toad, But a three-toed toad was she.
The two-toed tree-toad tried to win
The three-toed she-toad's heart, For
the two-toed tree-toad loved the
ground That the three-toed tree-toad
trod. But the two-toed tree-toad tried
in vain; He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree-toad bower, With her
three-toad power, The she-toad vetoed
him.


Raunchy Twisters:

I'm not a smart feller, I'm a smart
feller's son And I'll keep felling
smarts 'Till the smart feller comes.
I'm not a fog ducker, I'm a fog
ducker's son And I'll keep ducking
fogs 'Till the fog ducker comes.
I am not the fig plucker, I'm a fig
plucker's son. And I'll keep plucking
figs 'Till the fig plucker comes. or
Im not a pheasant plucker Im a
pheasant pluckers son, and Ill sit
here plucking pheasants til the
pheasant plucker comes
I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit;
and on the slitted sheet I sit.

Before and After the Wedding

* Some of these might be true.... hahaha

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating

Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month

Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start

Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like he lives in a dorm

Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem

Before - Turbocharged
After - Jump-start

Before - We agree on everything
After - We can't agree on anything

Before - Victoria's Secret
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom

Before - Idol
After - Idle

Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - Time stood still
After - Where did the time go?

Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

Before - Passion
After - Ration

coke ko 'to